Anger

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Today I had my therapy session. It was mainly to find out where I am now in my recovery from trauma. I am doing well but I still have a long way to go.

It dawned on me today that I have a lot of pent up anger inside me. I have never really “dealt” with it and it’s disturbing. I control myself well where the anger is concerned but sometimes little things set me off and I experience moodiness. On days like these, I won’t say anything. My fiance’ goes nuts when I’m quiet. He’s always telling me it’s not normal for a woman. I’ve never been one to talk just for the sake of talking. If I don’t have anything to say, I don’t talk. He then asks me, “Are you okay, Girl?” Of course, once is fine. I’m so fortunate to have such a thoughtful man by my side. But, he’ll ask me this every 15 to 20 minutes until I begin feeling angry and end up getting snappy with my answers. Then, he REALLY thinks something is wrong and I just end up being frustrated.

Ephesians 4:26 says, ” ‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,” It’s getting harder for me to keep my anger in check. I am angry with being attacked, I am angry at being betrayed by the ones I loved the most, and I’m angry that I’m angry. Does that make sense?

I feel better acknowledging it but I want to overcome the rage inside and honor God with my life. Anger is an emotion…a very strong emotion. If I don’t allow the Lord to protect me, I’m liable to be swallowed up by this. I don’t want that. I have to keep reminding myself that anger is a “normal” response for what I’ve been through but it’s “not normal” to hold onto that anger and let it rule my responses. If I hold onto my anger, I am letting those who hurt me win in the end. I am giving them control over my emotions and becoming a victim all over again.

So, what do I plan to do about this? Well, I plan to pray to God to break the stronghold of anger in my life and replace it with His mercy and compassion. I plan on acknowledging my sins before God and ask Him to forgive me. I will NOT allow anger to short change me. Anger is good at the appropriate time but staying angry is NOT. As the old adage goes, I will let go and let God.

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4 thoughts on “Anger

  1. Hiya carol. Good post! I have also had struggles with anger, especially when i was living with my parents and being constantly emotionally abused. I wanted to punch someone in the face – hard. I have found that it has abated over the last few years – im not sure why. One thing that did help though when I was feeling angry was to remember that we do not cause anger, we suffer anger. It is an extremely painful state, and when we are angry we are most definitely in pain. I think it is important also to have compassion for yourself atm. Youre doing good! xxx

    • Thank you so much, Lucy. You are so right. Anger is so complicated. I also heard it said that depression is anger turned inward. I often wonder if that’s true or not…hmmm…something to ponder, I guess. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been feeling as depressed lately. Who knows?!
      Thank you again for the affirmation and thoughts. I really appreciate your insight AND your friendship 🙂
      Carol

  2. Yes, without God I would be swallowed up by the anger. I talk a lot only if I have something to say. Otherwise I don’t. No need to talk for the sake of talking. Perfectly normal for some women!

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