Forget Me Not


“Do not remember the past events, pay no attention to things of old. Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.”
~Isaiah 43:18-19~
I think one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with is my illness. I remember how I was years ago. I had bouts with health issues but it never kept me from doing things. I used to be active and loved being outdoors. I enjoyed hiking and playing volleyball the most. Occasionally, I’d go out on the boat with friends and I loved swimming.When I was a child, I lived in California. Those days were golden for me. My parents had a pool where I spent many a day. I was like a fish. You couldn’t get me out of the water. I remember my dad throwing pennies into the deep end and sending me to find them. That was so much fun. I remember rollerskating, skate boarding, and biking with my friends. I was so active and carefree.I look back at these times and, in the midst of the smile brought on by my memories, there is also a deep sadness. How I wish I could go back to those days. I wish I could teach my son how to do these things. I wish I could teach my son to play baseball and hold a bat.

I could go on with all the things I miss but all this does is make me sad and I remain in denial over my circumstances. I do not doubt that God can heal me. My illnesses are not because I lack faith. Sometimes, God just says “no”. No one likes hearing that word but sometimes it’s for the best.

How can being ill POSSIBLY be for the best? I’m sure others have asked this question. For me, maybe I wouldn’t continue to depend on God and my life would be so busy I wouldn’t spend time in God’s Word or acknowledge Him. Maybe I’d be so caught up in my own pursuits to happiness, I’d miss the whole big picture God is preparing through my life.

God is making something new and exciting in my life. If I didn’t have these illnesses, I wouldn’t be compassionate. I would probably not understand that illness does not MAKE me who I am…God made me who I am. Illness is just a part of a sinful and fallen world. There’s nothing good about it but God can turn things around FOR the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

He makes a way for us. God has a way of making opportunities no matter where we are in life. Everything can be a learning experience. I don’t have to “remember my past” with sadness anymore because He has given me a purpose where I am now. Some days it’s easier to remember this than others. I still struggle with my own desires but ultimately it is THY will and not MY will be done.