I could go on with all the things I miss but all this does is make me sad and I remain in denial over my circumstances. I do not doubt that God can heal me. My illnesses are not because I lack faith. Sometimes, God just says “no”. No one likes hearing that word but sometimes it’s for the best.
How can being ill POSSIBLY be for the best? I’m sure others have asked this question. For me, maybe I wouldn’t continue to depend on God and my life would be so busy I wouldn’t spend time in God’s Word or acknowledge Him. Maybe I’d be so caught up in my own pursuits to happiness, I’d miss the whole big picture God is preparing through my life.
God is making something new and exciting in my life. If I didn’t have these illnesses, I wouldn’t be compassionate. I would probably not understand that illness does not MAKE me who I am…God made me who I am. Illness is just a part of a sinful and fallen world. There’s nothing good about it but God can turn things around FOR the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).
He makes a way for us. God has a way of making opportunities no matter where we are in life. Everything can be a learning experience. I don’t have to “remember my past” with sadness anymore because He has given me a purpose where I am now. Some days it’s easier to remember this than others. I still struggle with my own desires but ultimately it is THY will and not MY will be done.